was browsing through blogs, ljs, tumblrs.
& came across http://fuckyeahtattoos.tumblr.com/ that my friend recently visited.
never wanted to get inked.
but just realise the scar on my left hand is gonna stay there forever.
yes yes.
i regretted kkkkk.
thinking of covering the scar.
cos i dont want relatives to see it.
yes, none of them has seen it yet.
which is a good thing.
stupid scar.
stupid guy.
stupid me.
regretting like f now.
haha.
oh well.

yes.
it has been 15years.
you gave me allowance for 15years.
you pay my hp bills.
pay my school fees.
pay for my meals.
so?
you expect me to talk to you nicely & treat you nicely in return?
I CANT DO IT.
you're not the ideal dad i have in mind.
used to respect you.
but now its impossible.
we cannot communicate.
we always end up quarreling.

infront of relatives, yes.
we have to communicate.
BUT IT'S FOR THE SAKE OF IT ONLY.
it's always, like father like daughter.
but nope. never for our case.
you will always just be a step dad.
never will be a real dad to me.
so dont hope that i will treat you like one.
know why im too lazy to communicate?
cos im tired of communicating to someone i dont like!
honestly, it's not your fault.
it's just me.
it was always me & mum.
never a third person.
dont like people ruining it.

at least you have jiejie.
at least you have another daughter.
you ask me whether i hate you or not.
well, i dont know whether it's hate or what.
if you were just an uncle or what.
maybe i would have liked you more.
but as a dad, sorry.
never will accept that fact.
if i cant accept it 15years ago,
neither can i do it now.

you said you're poor in health.
& you asked if you died, what would i do?
well, nothing.
nothing at all.

you also said you were admitted to hospital multiple times.
but i only visited you once.
hah.
what do you want me to do?
pretend to be nice & visit you all the time?
gosh.
i cannot do it.

i always wanted to runaway from home.
always wanted to.
i stole hundreds of dollars from you before.
i used stones to scratch your car.
im the total opposite from jiejie.
she's very obedient.
she plays the piano fking well, unlike me.
she's clever, unlike me.
she gave up a slot at Uni just to be a piano teacher.
everyone at church loves her.
your brothers, sisters & cousins loves her.
so dont put any hopes on me.
it will result into nothing.

you ask why must i go through mummy just to ask you for money to remodule.
COS YOU ALWAYS COMPLAIN YOU HAVE NO MORE MONEY TO PAY FOR ELECTRICITY & STUFFS.
you always say i waste electricity.
my phone bills are always high.
i always need to top-up my ezlink card every two days (BECOS OF SCHOOL FYI).
im always asking for money.
wtf is this?
now you say if i need money, i should ask from you instead of going through mummy.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

my friends stay-over.
you complain about electricity & water bills.
what the fuck?

my friends & i wanna bake.
YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT ELECTRICITY.
THEN YOU HAVE THAT FUCKING OVEN IN THE KITCHEN FOR WHAT FUCK?

i really wanna get out of the house now.
i was studying before you talked about all this.
but you just have to spoil my mood to study hur.
thanks D-A-D.
thanks alot.

if only xinyi stays next door.
wouldve gone over & cry my heart out.
:(

was baking cookies the whole day on 2nd Feb 2010.
steffi & engyi came to my place around 10pm.
cabbed to xinyi's place at 11.55pm.

reached her place late so wasnt the first to wish her. :(
gave her the photo frame & the cookies then we left.





woke up at 1pm.
got ready & stuffs.
siti met me at the bus stop near my place.
then we walked cabbed to whitesands.
collected the cake & went to meet minwei.

head to downtown's hei sushi!
waited for xinyi & carinna to come.
shikin came after awhile.
ate alotttttttttt.
camwhored like crazy girls.
then cut cake & stuffs.



left hei sushi.
took bus to bugis.
sadly, minwei went home. :(



steffi came to meet us.
xinyi & i put more extensions.
walked around.
accompanied steffi to ljs to eat.
then to QQ Noodle to eat cos xinyi, carinna & i were hungry.
hahaha.

accompanied steffi to wait for the bus.
then we went to take train.
was thinking of a place to go.
wanted to head to ph.
but xinyi has too many things to carry.
& i was wearing slippers.
so we dropped the idea.

siti & shikin went off first cos their train came.
xinyi, carinna & i took the other side.
carinna alighted at kembangan.
& i went to tamp with xinyi.
bought alcohol & slacked at somewhere near xinyi's place.
we talked. we crapped. we took pictures.


& i was kinda drunk.
HAHA.
went home at 12am.
& yea.

thats all.
it's 6am now.
& i wanna sleep.
i havent studied a single shit.
& im feeling super sad.
cos i have no motivation at all.
i dont wanna fail.
but i dont feel like studying.
i know nuts about human & mass comm.
so fuck it.
im off to bed.
GOODNIGHT WORLD.

you've hit the big 2 ler sweet!
one year older ler, must think about your future ler okayyyy! :D
hehe.
study hard for exams kkkk! :D
hope you liked the cookies & the "photoframe"!
&& hope you like the surprise we gave you just now!
hehe.
willl continue to love you ttm.
& will always be there.
aiyaaa. you know what i wanna say de laaaaa.
all the usual words.
anything can tell me.
will lend you listening ears & all.
lastly, last long with ahnel.
I LOVE CHEW SWEET! :D

anyway,
went to fep with engyi & steffi!
stopped by reg's working place.
told her about a few things which has happened lately.
always nice sharing problems with her.

then went to woodlands.
met king & walked over to nelson's place.
was supposed to be a surprise for sweet.
but urgggggh!
nvm.
haha.

went down for ZI CHAR!
okay.
i seriously dont know what's tt in english.
soo err ya.
HAHA. :x

we ordered CHILLI CRAB!, sweet & sour pork, omelette with pork & onions, kangkong, tomyum seafood soup!
total is only $62!
hehe.
then went back to nelson's place for cake-cutting session!
hehe.
then cabbed home with sweet & kingsley.

love chew! :D

missed the stupid talk in the morning cos i couldnt get up.
lol!
then went to school for lesson at 3.30pm.
aftermath, went to bugis for Ah Chew Desserts with siti, minwei & mieza.




sweet didnt wanna go cos she's a lil lazy to go all the way there just to have desserts.
so yea.

after desserts, went to junction & minwei was sucha darling!
she bought something i want for me w/o me realizing it!
thank you so so so much! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

then we went to SMA.
to find minwei's friend & ask about stuffs abt the school.
yea.

THEN, we went to raffles city to window SHOP!!!
hahahaha.
saw a dress at river island.
fking ex. :( $89.
:(
i likeeee.
i want it for cny!
gonna ask mum & dad for moneyyyyy. $$$$$$$

went home around 9+.
nowww, im having a bad headache.
super bad one.
sigh.
bcos of you-know-who.
hahaha.

gonna sleep now.
got class at 12.15pm.
God, please lemme wake up on time.

goodnight peeps! :D